Why most of the people fail or don’t achieve their purposes in life?
First of all, how many people do have a purpose?
These are interesting perspectives to build upon. I don’t want to blame anyone and most importantly I don’t want to criticize the people around me. But over the past few weeks I’ve been trying to observe and understand why most don’t achieve much in life. There are 5 big points that I want to mention:
1. It feels good to be on the same wave length with the rest. It makes you think that you are on the right track. It’s a delusion.
We all have social circles. They consist of the people with whom we can reason on the same subjects. For example, some of my friends like to party a lot. Their average day goes like this: wake up late in the afternoon, eat and get bored for a few hours, meet with friends to talk about last night and make plans for tonight. When the evening comes, they go to party and then go to sleep at 6 or 7 a.m.
It’s not bad to do this for a vacation. However, doing a habit out of it will make your life short and miserable.
Why is it hard to become aware in this situation and how can you get out of it?
First, all individuals from a social circle think in similar patterns. Most of the people do not experience life outside their social circles. The reason is that they are afraid of change. And change is the biggest enemy of human kind; paradoxically, only through change people can evolve.
The group which likes to party considers that partying is the normal way to live your life. How many of them you think would consider as normal reading a book or doing something to make someone else’s life better? Very few to none, in my opinion.
Once again, if you feel that your social circle doesn’t let you become your better self, please do something. React! Do anything that can move you even 1 inch away from them.
Do not blame them. They are your friends. You just need to do something else besides being with them.
2. One key characteristic that probably only 1% of all people on Earth have is initiative. I think that those with initiative are the high achievers of all times.
I see initiative as the ability to stand out of the crowd. I see initiative as active thinking. I see it as an integrative part of the modern man.
Most of us sleep throughout our lives. We live by reacting and not by being proactive. The first and probably the most important habit of highly effective people, according to Stephen Covey, is proactivity.
I think that proactivity goes hand in hand with initiative. It means to give life to your thoughts and not let them only transit through your mind.
According to Dr. Joe Dispenza and his book Evolve your Brain, we have 60-80,000 thoughts each day. Many of them are probably brilliant ideas. If you are proactive, you, at least, try to materialize them.
Now, why is it so hard to stand out of the crowd and take initiative?
First, I think it’s your fault for letting other people influence you. Then, it’s your fault for letting your own thinking influence you.
For example, a great business idea passes through your mind and for the first split second there is nothing to disrupt it. As you become aware of the idea the first and greatest enemy kicks in. It’s your mind.
“What if I am not able to make it? What would others say if I fail? This is not a good idea because it’s not the right time for it. The economy is bad.”
And the idea goes away. Your enemy has won.
But I come to ask:
Why do you care about the rest?
Why do you care about failing before even getting started?
You destroy all your momentum before even building it.
It’s never the best time. It will never be. The conditions will never be perfect and this is great because if you start and fight the obstacles, if you keep moving and you never give up, the satisfaction will be immensely great.
There would be no satisfaction if you achieve something without fighting for it. You’re only lying to yourself when you think that you would like to win the lottery. Of course, everything would be good for a while as you spend the money. But you will never feel satisfied.
True satisfaction comes only as a result of hard work and moving past the obstacles, always having in mind the ultimate result. Let’s not move away from the main point…We talk about initiative.
Let’s say you don’t have it. No problem, we can build it from scratch, one step at a time.
Take a moment at the end of the day and see how many decisions you have actively taken in the past day. Did you make any decision, or you only reacted to the decisions and actions of the people around you. This should open your eyes.
Now, if you didn’t take any decision, how many could you have taken?
Would the results have been different?
If you ask yourself these questions, you will become more aware of your capacity to take initiative and if you see that your results are not good, start making small changes in your life.
Remember, small and constant changes add up to major changes. Start deciding on things that would not dramatically impact your life but which would count. As the time passes, you will make a habit out of taking initiative and you will start feeling more in control of your life. This increases your independence and most importantly, your self confidence.
3. The third aspect that I think impacts our happiness is represented by the external factors.
It’s how much you let the outside world influence your inner peace. This is where most of the people suffer.
It is very difficult to seal yourself and not let anything from outside disturb you. It is the human nature’s fault here.
We feel empathy. We automatically put ourselves in other people’s shoes as something out of the ordinary takes place.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not bad to reason with your fellow human beings. It would be better to add up some logic and some objective thinking to the situations that make you feel emotional.
For example, someone hits your car by accident. It’s normal to get angry and frustrated. It’s not normal to act based on those feelings. This is where logic and objectiveness should pop up.
Most of the people are weather sensitive. You should know that nothing and no-one can make you feel and do something without your permission (quote by Eleanor Roosevelt). Try not to be upset when it’s cloudy outside. Try doing something that cheers you up. Make a habit out of it. Don’t be happy only when it’s sunny.
The same thing applies for the people near you. They have nothing on you unless you allow them to. It’s your inner balance that you need to protect. It’s not your pride.
I think that the reason for which we let ourselves influenced by people around us is our ego. If you wouldn’t care so much about your ego and about what other people think about you, you would be a happier person.
It takes a lot of time and it’s not easy to reach the balance within you. However, one step at a time is the key. You start creating habits and you start becoming more powerful inside. You start becoming unshakable. The end result is wisdom.
You are able to feel the right things at the right moment, make the right decisions and take the appropriate actions when you reach this balance.
4. The fourth point is interconnected with the third one. It’s about constant motivation.
When you are imbalanced inside, you need everyday motivation to get you going. You need outside motivation to help you.
When you reach the balance, you don’t need motivation. It’s a part of you. You are your own motivation. Your actions speak for yourself and you don’t need anyone to validate it.
Zig Ziglar said that motivation is a daily necessity. It’s like taking a shower. To be clean you need to shower everyday. To be happy and proactive you need to get motivated every day. It creates and feeds your momentum.
Because of the social media bombing with motivation quotes and pictures, people tend to become less or not at all excited when seeing these messages. The sad fact is that even though the motivational messages are very powerful, if you see them all day long you will start not seeing them at all.
Since most of us need motivation every day, we should stop checking our social media accounts every 10 minutes and start becoming more aware of the outside world. The best way to get motivated is to read an article or watch a video of a famous motivational speaker first thing in the morning.
It’s best to do it in the morning (6 A.M. is what I refer to morning) when there is nothing to disturb you. If you can wake up even earlier, that’s great. More than 90% of the people wake up after 6 A.M. So if you have your motivational dose early, you will be good to go for the rest of the day.
5. The most important point which I want to talk about is purpose.
This March I attended a seminar of Allan Pease, who is the leading expert in body language and who is also a motivational speaker, and I got the great opportunity to ask him a few questions that were very important to me. One of the questions was:
“What is, in your opinion, the most important principle of success?”
Allan’s answer was: “to have a clearly defined goal“. I’m ending this writing the same way I started it.
How can one live a happy life without knowing where he is heading to?
It’s very difficult to stay sharp and focused if you don’t see the end result. Stephen Covey, the American writer and famous motivational speaker, said that one of the 7 habits of highly effective people is to “start with the end result in mind“.
Recently, I have started to become aware that you don’t exactly define your purpose, you find it. More specifically, it gets defined and it becomes clearer as you start discovering it. This is from my personal experience. And it’s great living for and with a purpose.
People who have a purpose in life do not get bored. They are always active and doing something that adds up to the attainment of their purposes. They require less motivation than people with no purpose. The journey itself is more important than reaching the purpose.
Allan Pease’s success formula (the one he spoke on the seminar about) is simple and it has 3 steps:
1. Clearly define your goal(s) in life
2. Make simple plans to reach the goals. Always be ready to modify the plans. Be flexible as conditions change.
3. Never, ever give up and let yourself influenced by external factors and by other people’s words, thoughts and actions. They have no power over you, unless you give it to them.
I personally think that in order to succeed in life, you first have to conquer thyself. It is your inner battle that’s the toughest. If you win it, you will achieve the most powerful weapons you can get: strength of character, morality, courage, wisdom, faith, and proactivity. With these weapons, no external force can and will have any influence on you.
With these weapons you will be able to achieve your inner balance and your actions will start becoming consistent with your thoughts. This is where and when you are a free person.
Now, please tell me how far you think you are of achieving the balance within yourself. What is the toughest outside factor that has an influence on you? Is it your friends? Is it your family? Is it your lover? The economy? The weather? Is it something else?
Dispenza, J. (2008). Evolve your Brain. The Science of Changing your Mind.