I’ve learned from Eckhart Tolle, the great spiritual teacher, that the person who cannot live happily alone or by himself, will never live happily having someone by his side.
You first have to accept yourself for what you are and start building your existence from that moment forward so that ultimately you can reach the social success you mostly desire.
I want you to please take a moment and watch this wonderful TED Talk by Susan Cain:
Now, to accept yourself the way you are right now, you first need to know who you are at this moment.
To know who you really are, you need to spend some time within your presence, where only you and your thoughts can co-exist.
One of my mentors Brian Tracy advises in his book How the Best Leaders Lead that one should allocate 30 to 60 minutes daily to listen to the inner voice. He says that it will practically change your life because when you are alone and there are no external disturbing factors, you start having different ideas and revelations which will positively shape everything you do.
Brian says that solitude is one of the greatest joys of human beings.
Why don’t you try for yourself? You’ve got nothing to loose.
I hate to call it meditation because this is a word overly-used and it has lost from its power. However, I’d like to add to the advices of Brian Tracy that before having your solitary moment you should:
1. Think of what you will think. Even though you will most likely deviate from these thoughts and get to new and improved ideas, it is always best to plan ahead for the sake of time efficiency.
2. While having your moment, follow the natural path of your thoughts. Do not oppose resistance. See where it goes. Be constructive. Let your ideas flow.
3. Most importantly: Take notes so that you can further review them.
4. After getting out of solitude or even right after spending time in your own mind, go ahead and analyze the past moment.
What were your best thoughts?
What ideas did you get?
How can you implement them?
Do you still need to hover on one or more of these ideas?
It is bliss to have such moments because the only way to become better is to know where you are and where you want to be. And to know where you are and who you are, you have to analyze your past events, link memories and emotions. You can only do this by being alone with yourself.
Don’t tie upon negative emotions! Most importantly, do not bring them back. It is possible (even though it’s difficult) to look over past negative events, analyze them and not remember the emotions attached to them. Viewing these negative events objectively is the healthiest way to learn from them.
Now, I don’t say that you can learn that it’s not safe to play with fire by thinking and living the feeling of getting burned. However, that’s a bit discomforting so you should try the objective approach.
Try to minimize the reliving of emotions connected to past events as much as possible.
For a simple reference, Daniel Goleman’s amazing book Emotional Intelligence can teach you how to better manage your anxieties, stressful moments, traumas, and emotions overall to achieve balance in life.
Getting back to the main idea, it’s been difficult with all the noise of these days and with all the distractions to stay focused and be in a sound balance with yourself if you’re not paying attention to yourself at least every once in a while.
Most of the people around me do not make plans. They live in a sort of chaos letting their lives be driven by whatever thought comes next into their minds.
I mean, how can you be efficient if you don’t have a list of goals to achieve? How can you meet these goals if you don’t have flexible plans for them?
And most importantly, how can you have plans if you don’t think about them? It all goes back to the solitary moment.
Some of the great achievers from whom I learned the importance of to-do lists are Tony Robbins (this guy advised and still advises U.S. presidents, among other very important people – and his net worth is somewhere at $500 million), Zig Ziglar (great mentor) as well as Brian Tracy.
I learned that really successful people (people who achieved greatly in all aspects of life – social, emotional, spiritual, financial, and physical) are those who know where they are going. Really successful people recognize the unimaginable power of a simple and humble spiral note.
For most of us a spiral note is just an ordinary object. When my eyes see a spiral note and the information goes to my visual cortex for decoding and interpreting, my brain releases endorphins which give me an overall sense of pleasure through the whole body.
You wonder why?
It’s because when I started writing goals and making plans (daily plans, weekly plans, and yearly plans) including all the dimensions of my life, everything changed dramatically. Throughout the course of a year I have become more than 1000% efficient in everything I did, such as: health, sports, human relationships, spirituality, financial performance, etc.
Now you know why viewing an unimportant spiral-note gives me the full-body positive vibe.
If you are the owner of a smartphone, check your app store and you’ll most likely find dozens of notes applications. I personally use ColorNote on my Android.
All these amazing plans and life achievements can only be done when there’s no-one around to disturb. That’s the time when you can run at your fullest potential.
It can be your office.
It can be a bench in the park (stop the noise and listen to what’s around you. Can you?)
It can be a quiet moment in your room.
It can be when you’re traveling by train.
You pick the spot.
Remember that spending these moments with yourself for planning, organizing your thoughts, analyzing past actions, or even contemplating will make you a better and more balanced person when being around other people.
This is a very simple thing that a lot of people can do. Why is it that so few people do it then?
What do you think? Please let me know in either of the comment sections below.
1. Eckhart Tolle – The Power of Now.
2. Brian Tracy – How the Best Leaders Lead.
3. Tony Robbins – Awaken the Giant Within
4. Zig Ziglar – See you at the Top
5. Daniel Goleman – Emotional Intelligence
6. Self Improvement – Top 101 Experts
7. Eckhart Tolle – Stillness Speaks
Photos: Chandni Dossani and Stephanie Smith